Thursday, July 21, 2011

It hits me

July 19, exactly 3 weeks after giving birth, I suddenly broke down and cry. Postpartum depression hits me. Nyay! Well, all I know was I am pissed and I feel low.

We just finished watching TV and about to go to our room to tuck the baby to bed as well so we can all rest and sleep. A was surprised seeing me crying on the couch. I just said "Naiinis ako eh!"

A, being a loving husband, get near me, hugged and kissed me on my forehead and then told me that I should not cry cause it may affect the baby.

I don't know!!! At that time it seems all my frustrations bottled up to my neck and I can't breathe!!! I am irritated!!! There are things I am certain why I am pissed. Why?

It's hot!!! I feel hot. I am perspiring so much that my hair (those near the "batok") are always wet. I can't take just bathe to freshen myself because of many "pamahiin" and beliefs or simply safety precautions to avoid the "Binat".

In line with not getting all the "Ligo-Galore" I am so longing for, I smell not-so-good! I smell a bit sour and stinky (But not so foul...basta there's a weird smell). It's because I am leaking milk over my dress almost every feeding sessions with my baby. And I can't just change that often or the laundry will pile up to the ceiling. My mom says the smell that is coming out of my system is natural coz I am breastfeeding. Aaarrggghhhh!!! If only I can get all the "Ligo" I want!!! But not yet...My Mom is watching over all my actions, making sure I follow the rules. *Sigh*

I can't eat those food that relaxes me. I can't have cold drinks and desserts. I need to stuff myself with soup, malunggay etc... to keep the supply of milk flowing. What about the grilled liempo, fried chicken and the crispy pata? Hay, i am craving for more.

But all of this self-centeredness vanished when i held my son again. As I was feeding him, I simply stare at his so angelic face and I suddenly came back to my senses. That all of these sacrifices are nothing. It's just the start. These are so simple and I have to prepare myself for more. But whatever parenting hardships i may face, I know I will surpass it all because i am equipped with the greatest weapon i can make use of...the UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

Aaawww...I am a Mom na talaga! ^__^

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